WTC Records Folder 0128 Disaster Information General label, 2001

NYC 9/11 Public Portal Document

WHAT TO TELL YOUR CHILDREN

In the midst of this profound violation of personal and global humanity "possibility" and "choice" may seem to be limited and remote. As tough as this is for adults, it can be even more difficult for children. Traumas effect us so profoundly because they shatter our assumptions that the world is a safe and fair place. Recovery for children means getting back to the business of being children.

Children can only tolerate intense feelings for a short period of time, then they back away until they can tolerate the intensity again. What may look like denial or avoidance to us is often an example of effective coping. Children go through a series of stages which include: shock and numbness, denial, sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, physical problems, academic problems.

There is no magic formula for helping children to cope with events that all of us struggle to understand and manage, but here are some basics to help guide you'to aid your children and others. It is important to recognize the uniqueness of this tragedy and to engage in activities that nurture one's self both physically and emotionally.

YOUNGER CHILDREN (5-8)

Children under 5 will often be spared the brunt of the impact. The abstract concept of death may somewhat elude them. But, these and older children may be expected to have nightmares, physical complains, sleeping problems or more difficulty than normal with both everyday and stressful situations.

► Reassure, reassure, reassure-especially that you are safe.

► Do not maintain customary expectations for coping. For example, be more tolerant of physical complaints and avoid comments like "But you can usually sleep alone!"

► Children may want to review the events over and over. This helps them and you come to terms with this tragedy and is a normal response for some people.

► Provide increased levels of nurturing and contact.

► Asset with coping skills. To do so, make fears concrete and manageable. Ex: "It's normal to have trouble sleeping alone after a sad and scary thing happens."

► Teach your child to limit the time spent thinking about scary things, and show the child how to distract him/herself.

► Encourage talking about concerns, and model that with sentences like:" I was scared too." "I'm also very sad."

NYC-WTC 000137353