Stress management guidance for WTC workers, Sept 2001

NYC 9/11 Public Portal Document

14. When someone feels guilty and is filled with "if only’s," it is not helpful to say, "Don't feel guilty." This only adds to their negative view of themselves. They would handle it better if they could. One response could be, "I dont think that you are guilty. You did the best you could at the time, but dont push down your feelings of guilt Talk about it until you can let it go." 15. Depression is often part of grief. It is a scary feeling. To be able to talk things over with an understanding friend or loved one is one factor that may help prevent a person from becoming severely depressed. 16. Give special attention to the children in the family. DO NOT tell them not to cry or not to upset the adults. 17. Suggest that the bereaved person keep a journal. 18. The bereaved may appear to be getting worse. Be aware this is often due to the reality of the death hitting them. 19. Be aware of physical reactions to the death (lack of appetite, sleeplessness, headaches, inability to concentrate). These affect the person's coping ability, energy and recovery.. 20. Be aware of the use of drugs and alcohol. Medication should only be taken under the supervision of a physician. Often these only delay the grief, response. 21. Sometimes the pain of bereavement is so intense that thoughts of suicide occur. Dont be shocked by this. Instead, try to be a truly confiding friend. 22. Don’t say, "It has been 4 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc. You must be over it by now." Life will never be the same. 23. Encourage counseling if grief is getting out of hand. 24. Suggest that grieving people take part in support groups. Sharing similar experiences helps. Offer to attend a support group meeting with them. The meetings are not morbid. They offer understanding, friendship, suggestions for coping and HOPE. 25. Suggest that the bereaved postpone major decisions such as moving, giving everything away, etc. Later they may regret their hasty decisions. It is best for the bereaved to keep decision making to a minimum. 26. Suggest exercise to help work off bottled up tension and anger, to .relax and to aid sleep. Offer to join them for tennis, exercise classes, swimming, a walk, etc. 27. Practice unconditional love. Feelings of rage, anger and frustration are not pleasant to observe or listen to; but it is necessary for the bereaved to recognize and work on these feelings in order to work-, through the grief, rather than become stuck in one phase. 28. Help the bereaved to avoid unrealistic expectations as to how they "should" feel and when they will be better. It is helpful when appropriate to say, "I dont know how you do as well as you -do." 29. Don't avoid the bereaved. This adds to their loss. As the widowed often say, "I not only lost my spouse, but my friends as well." 30. Be aware thait weekends, holidays and evenings may be more difficult. 31. Consider sending a note at the time of their loved one's birthday, aimiversary, death or other special days. 32. Practice continuing acts of thoughtfulness -a note, visit. Plant, helpful book on grief, plate of cookies, phone call, invitation for lunch, dinner, coffee. Take the initiative in calling the bereaved.

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